At the beginning of my career as a college admission officer, I was assigned the task of interviewing applicants at a small group of boarding schools in New England. Genuine admission: My perception of boarding schools at that time was not especially positive. Despite growing up in the area, I had little personal experience with boarding schools, and therefore my impression was based on the somewhat Darwinian depiction in my required freshman English read, A Separate Peace by John Knowles, a complex and tragic tale about human nature set at a boarding school inspired by the author’s alma mater. My impression was also based upon the popular film Dead Poets Society, another complex and tragic tale about human nature set at a boarding school, this one featuring a bunch of boys standing on desks in class quoting Walt Whitman. Not only did I not see any females represented in these narratives other than as local girls providing romantic interest for the lead characters, but it also seemed that based on these accounts the only people who went to boarding schools were kids whose parents forced them to follow unwillingly in their family’s footsteps, or those whose parents wanted them to “shape up.” In fact, it seemed the only reason anyone attended boarding school was because they were forced to. Otherwise, why leave your friends and family to go live with strangers and do things like get up at 5 a.m. to practice rowing in a boat?

By the time I was the ripe old age of 22 and on my way to that first boarding school visit, I knew enough about the world to recognize that this perception was likely misguided. For one, it was 1992, not 1952! Things had changed in the generation since these and other similar novels and films were set, and boarding schools were, at least according to my more knowledgeable and experienced colleagues, places where incredibly talented students (even girls!) attended by choice. This reality was evident from the very first interview I conducted on that trip, which, ironically enough, happened to be at the same school where A Separate Peace is set. The students I met that day and on subsequent visits to similar schools were some of the most articulate, poised, interesting, and intelligent students I had the pleasure of meeting during my time as a college admissions officer. Not only did I marvel at how impressive they were as high school seniors and how comfortable they were talking with a stranger about themselves, but I also realized with a bit of chagrin that they very well might be brighter and more mature than the person who would be reading their application – aka, me. I concluded virtually every interview, therefore, hoping that I impressed them, not the other way around.

This was particularly evident when I asked one senior if he had any questions for me about my school, and instead of asking me about the quality of our research programs or popular clubs on campus, he politely asked me why he should attend my institution. I recall him gesturing around the library, which looked like something out of a movie set (which it probably was), saying, “As you can see, this place is pretty incredible. I’ve had everything I could ever dream of here. What can your school offer me that I haven’t experienced already?”

After my inside voice quickly retorted, “For starters, how about a class on humility,” I realized I was a bit flummoxed on how to answer. While I could readily talk about the many advantages my university offered, and I could speak passionately about my belief in its mission, I ruminated afterwards about the reasoning behind the question. In many ways, it was perfectly valid to ask, even if it could have been phrased somewhat more politely. What did a college offer him and his classmates that their boarding school did not?

Classmates from different backgrounds who will teach him about the world in ways he never imagined? Nope. Been there, done that.

A faculty who will inspire and mentor him to achieve things he never thought possible? Nope, had that already, too.

Incredible resources at his disposal, from a dining hall serving waffles and pizza to a fitness center, pool, professional-level performance spaces, and gorgeous campus in which to work on the Great American Novel? Check, check, check, and check.

I could go on. The point is that in many important ways, boarding schools and colleges have much in common, and therefore expectations of what colleges can offer students from boarding schools can often be different for those who have attended them. As the years have passed, I understand better what he meant by the question — especially after I started working as a college counselor at a boarding school helping our students find colleges that would be the right fit. He — and they — had a different perception of what college could and should be than I did as a high school senior. My experience of high school was going to class, hanging out during lunch in the cafeteria with my friends, going to my extracurriculars, and then going home. I had good relationships with my teachers, but I didn’t really know them. I had valued friendships with the kids I grew up with, but they all came from the same background as I did, pretty much. During my free time, I was at home or at a friend’s house or at the movies or at the mall. I wasn’t hanging out with my teachers eating dorm snack. The adults in my life outside of the school day were primarily friends of my parents or parents of my friends — teachers were teachers, and coaches were coaches. Some taught me important life lessons, and some even inspired me, but the relationships were very much based on what I did rather than who I was. I didn’t expect more from my education because it never occurred to me to. What I viewed as the benefits of college — living independently, meeting new and different people, trying new things I had never experienced before, delving deeply into areas I was passionate about, and finding mentors who would help me find my path — were things I would do after high school. In college.

This was not the experience of my interviewee. What he was telling me in his own way was that thanks to his boarding school, his expectations of his college experience were higher than average. He already knew how to live on his own, how to make new friends with those who were both the same and different, how to challenge himself to try new things, and how to ask for help when he needed it. He saw teachers as advisors whose job it was to mentor and guide him — not just teach him. It was the mission of the institution to provide him with the best education as an entire person — not just his mind, but also his body and spirit. His parents were paying the school to do this very thing. They — and he — would expect no less from the college he would attend, and in fact, they would naturally expect even more.

So while I was a bit unnerved by the question at the time, I have grown to respect it. This student understood that he was not simply a receptacle for information passed down to him from a teacher, but that education was meant to challenge him and make him grow. It’s an important lesson that young people learn in boarding schools and one that is an often-unspoken benefit of attending them. It gives students the ability to understand the role education can and should play not just in college, but throughout their lives, and to be proactive seekers rather than passive recipients of the best educational experience possible.

There remain people in my life who, like my younger self, have a vision of boarding schools that are based more on media stereotypes than personal experience. It’s not surprising, given films such as School Ties (remember that one, Gen Xers?) and book series like Truly Devious and Harry Potter (Why is it that so many boarding school-themed books have to do with good battling evil?? Discuss!), that these outdated perceptions about boarding schools exist. I know I’m not alone; I talk with many parents about how difficult it is for them to send their children to boarding schools from areas where few others attend. “People in my town think I’m a bad parent and that I have to send my kid away to ‘fix’ her,” one mom lamented. Another father flatly stated, “Where we live, it’s just. Not. Done.” We also talk with families who visit Loomis for the first time and comment that the school “feels like college.” It does — which is why our students have high expectations of their collegiate experience, much like my former interviewee (although hopefully are not expressing them in quite the same way!). They expect more from their education than just a degree. That is the ultimate benefit of attending boarding school: not just that it prepares students for college, but that it introduces them to the idea that they can expect more from institutions they will encounter in their lives — and more from themselves. And that is one of the best reasons to go to boarding school.