“So, this is when we have the chance to make sure that our kids weren’t lying about themselves,” a parent joked recently in my office after their child’s admission interview. (At least I think he was joking.) While the skepticism regarding the trustworthiness of teens is perhaps at times understandable — see The Sassy Interviewee for my own experience on that topic — his comment struck me. So did a recent request from a school counselor to speak with parents on tips for interviewing ... as in, tips for the parents’ part of the admission interview. This also got me thinking. We admission officers often give a lot of advice to students about how to interview, but we don’t focus as much on the parents. How important is the parent interaction in an interview, anyway? Can a parent “screw up” the interview? How can parents prepare for a productive conversation with an admission officer about their child?

Before going any further on this topic, a few points of clarification:

1. Many adults who are not the parents of an applicant serve custodial roles in their lives. For the sake of brevity, consider my use of “parent” to apply to anyone who is serving in such a role.
2. Obviously, the role of the parent in an interview will vary greatly upon the age of the applicant. When I used to assess applicants for kindergarten, the interview was only with parents; conversely, when I worked in college admission, I rarely met with parents at all, and even then, it was only with the applicant. My observations below apply to a “typical” secondary school interview.
3. Parents may not be included in admission interviews for other reasons. As you likely are aware by now, every school does things a bit differently, and interviewing is no exception.

One of the ways schools can vary with interviewing is with time. At many schools, parent time is specifically designed to be shorter than the student’s and has very specific goals. This is the case at Loomis Chaffee, where we use it to focus on two areas:

1. To give some feedback on what was discussed and to give the parent the opportunity to either elaborate or provide additional/different information on their children (and, yes, in rare cases, correct misinformation). This is a good time to discuss anything that would be better addressed in person rather than on our required written Parent/Guardian Statement. Because that statement gives you the opportunity to address anyone reviewing your child’s application, it’s not necessary to fit in everything you want us to know about your child at this point unless asked specific questions about your child, which some schools may do.
2. We also meet with parents to talk about why they are interested in Loomis (and boarding school, if a boarding candidate) for their child, and to provide information about the school of particular interest to many parents. Common topics often include health & wellness, campus safety, faculty advising, typical parent involvement, and school communication. These topics are useful to address among the adults in the room. However, most of our schools also provide information on our websites or elsewhere on these topics, so while it’s important to have them addressed, the interview is not necessarily the only place you can find those answers.

So, what, then, is the best use of your limited time? In my view, discussing the fit between the school and your child is more important than either advocating for your child in the interview or getting answers to frequently asked questions. If I had one piece of advice to give parents, it’s to prepare a few questions about things you feel are the most important factors for you to know about whether the school would be the right place for your child — just like you have advised your child to do. There is nothing worse than a student falling in love with a school and the parents not being on board because they didn’t ask the questions important to them. The interview is a great opportunity to dig deeper with an adult who knows the school beyond the facts and to ask thoughtful questions about ways the school may be the right fit for your child now, or where the challenges might lie — because, as I noted in last month’s blog, there will be challenges anywhere.

Independent schools are a significant investment, both literally and figuratively. Think about yourself, your values, and your family. What is important to your child and to you as you look to their future growth? Do you want an environment where your child can be a bigger fish in a smaller pond, however you define that? (Note: that concept does not always translate to school size!) Are you looking for school where there is a particular program they can explore further, such as writing, technology, or global studies? How important is character education to you at this developmental stage for your child? If important, how is it implemented at the school, if at all? What about potential for talent-based college preparation in things like arts or athletics? How easy or difficult is it for students to take advantage of opportunities in these areas? If your primary value is adult mentorship and great teaching, what does this look like at the school? Regarding financial investment, if you will need financial assistance for your child to attend the school, ask questions in the interview about the philosophy, process, and availability of funding. Institutions take different approaches to their financial aid budgets, and asking these questions indicate that you want to understand that approach to the best degree possible. These and many other questions can give you a sense of the school and the process beyond the website.

Answers to these and similar types of questions will inform the parent section of any school interview. You don’t need to interview the interviewer, but the parents who know what they and their child are looking for and who ask thoughtful questions to inform decision-making are building a toolbox of information that will inform decisions down the road, whether at Loomis or elsewhere. It helps everyone. In short, “kicking the tires” is the best use of your time in the interview. You’re the expert on your child, and we are the expert on our schools. Take advantage of that intersection.

And while at Loomis it’s unlikely that you would irrevocably impact your child’s admission decision based on that conversation, on behalf of our young interviewees everywhere I might gently suggest that although the temptation is strong, right before the interview might not be the time for a “mom” or “dad” joke such as when my husband referred to our youngest as “Cookie Monster” right before her interview in reference to her fuzzy blue coat. She did not appreciate the humor at that moment, which is understandable … as much as the interviewer might have enjoyed the attempt at levity.

In short, “interviewing” parents is one of the most rewarding things we do, not just because we get to talk about their children and give them information about the school. It’s because we get to work in partnership to help determine whether the school is the right place for the family — and we are conversing with our fellow adults. We love meeting kids, but we also really do love meeting parents. Even the ones with the “dad” jokes.