Monday Musings, February 3, 2020

Thank you to Nancy Rankin for these words.

Dear Colleagues,

We are never supposed to lose a student, a child - not as parents, not as siblings, not as friends, and not as teachers. As teachers, however, especially in a residential community, the death of a student hits us on several levels; we lose the person with all the promise that a graduating student represents. This loss shatters, for at least a little while, the expectation of safety which we pledge as caring adults to all of our students.

This second hit knocks at the core of what we believe. The expectation of ourselves as caring adults, able to keep all students safe is in part an allusion. On some level, we know that life does not work this way, but still, when it doesn't, we are set back. We feel defeated, deflated, and we often look to blame ourselves or others.

We all have different ways of responding to the double hit of loss and grief. Some of us respond mentally - the instinctive questions arise. What happened, when, where, why? Or, we busy ourselves with the work to be done. Who needs to know and how can I help? Some of us respond physically - fatigue, sleepiness, headaches, hunger. Some of us respond emotionally, sadness, anger, even irritability. Some of us don't respond at all, thinking if we don't talk about it, it won't be real. Many of us respond with a combination of all of these.

Some suggestions for getting through:

Respect your grief response. Give yourself time, at least a little bit, to do what you need to do. Accept that in these circumstances there is no right way to feel and no right way to grieve. I know that time, in this high demand environment, is one of the most precious things. But please, with the Head's Holiday coming up, take what you need for you. Prioritizing helps.
Honor the lost student. Think about your relationship, your time together, and do a small thing that marks and honors that. No matter if it is throwing a stone in a pond or reading a poem, do something that helps you mark your relationship.
You are not alone. Reach out to others, many of whom are feeling the way you are.
Know that time will bring perspective and make it much easier to get back to the needed demands of your classes, students, and institution, which is so faithfully devoted to students and their learning.

Take care of yourselves,

Nancy Rankin

If you would like to have a conversation with Nancy, please contact Krystal Anderson to schedule an appointment.

*This is a reminder that there will be a special meeting of the women's group on Tuesday during Community Time (9:50-10:40) in the faculty lounge.