A occasional look at former Loomis Chaffee community members whose work helped shape the school. This one celebrates Betsy Conger, who died October 31. A Celebration of Life is planned for Sunday, April 27 at 2 p.m. at Loomis Chaffee.

Shortly after a message went out to the Loomis Chaffee community on November 1, 2024, announcing the death of Betsy Conger, who for 38 years graced the campus in myriad ways, a memorial was set up on the backstop behind home plate on the softball field.

The softball field, where she coached the Loomis Chaffee varsity softball team for 32 years, was one of a number of places on campus where Betsy was at home and had a profound impact. Betsy, who came to Loomis in 1986, was a science teacher, a department head, an associate dean of faculty, a softball coach, a field hockey coach, a dorm head, an advisor to individuals and SPECTRUM, and an LGBTQIA+ coordinator. She also oversaw the assignment of weekend duties for faculty, affectionately known as Conger Duties.

The memorial with a softball at its center included tributes, stones with hand-painted messages, flowers, personal notes expressing memories, thanks, and love. And there was a coffee cup with whole beans inside it. On the outside of the cup, hand-written words spoke to what Betsy meant to the community: Coach, mentor, teacher, friend, ally, advisor, listener, baker, campus mom. 

Betsy enjoyed coffee, hazelnut most days, and had a coffee maker in her office, said science teacher Naomi Appel, who shared an office with her in the Clark Center for Science & Mathematics. That office was “like a second home” for Betsy, Naomi said. There were artifacts and artwork, a blender for smoothies, slippers under the desk. 

“Betsy was the motherly figure in Clark in the best possible way,” Naomi said. “She was always there to listen — to me and to many other colleagues who frequently stopped in our office. She was empathetic, nonjudgmental, trustworthy, kind, and patient. She was always willing to put aside whatever she was working on to give her full attention to whoever needed it at the moment. She also made sure that Clark was well-maintained and everyone who worked in the building had whatever they needed. When the copiers needed attention, she attended to them. When the faculty room sink filled up with dishes, she sent an email reminding people to clean them and return them to the dining hall. … When someone didn’t have a (insert any random office supply), she provided it. When a student or colleague needed a snack, she had a bowl of candy that was always full.”

Betsy’s caring side was evident to many, including mathematics teacher Allison Beason, who started at Loomis the same year Betsy did.

“Her soft, thoughtful voice and many, many kind gestures — whether it was leaving a card at your desk or doing something for an advisee or seeing someone who might need an uplift and dropping off a baked good for them — those thoughtful gestures inspired the same in her colleagues. That was Betsy through and through,” Allison said. 

She worked hard “to give students more voice and ownership of what they wanted SPECTRUM to be” and provide a space “where kids could be themselves,” Allison said. She was also a favorite of many faculty children.

Betsy played field hockey, basketball, softball and was on the swimming & diving team in high school. She played field hockey and softball in college, graduating in 1982 from Middlebury College. She was recently honored by the Western New England Prep School Girls Softball Association for her many years as head coach of the Loomis softball program and for her “dedication and longtime effort in helping girls on and off the field.” Loomis softball won New England championships in 2001 and 2003.

School archivist and history teacher Karen Parsons coached alongside Betsy for many years, including those championships in the early 2000s. At the beginning of their time together, the program needed a rebuild. “Betsy was incredibly patient with the kids and the program,” Karen said. Betsy also was a steady advocate for better facilities for girls, Karen said. Today the team plays on Audrey Field, built in 2007, where the memorial was set up.

Betsy helped to make the program special, Karen said, noting two particularly valuable contributions. 

“One was to break the team up into families,” Karen remembered. “Older kids looking after new players. We’d do drills and other activities, and psych activities, within those families. And she also would pull the team together for the pregame talk and end with a mantra she would pick. It usually was the mantra of ‘the power to win comes from within.’ She would say it and the kids would say it, and that became a tradition.”

Teaching was at Betsy’s core, in the classroom and on the field, and her enthusiasm never waned. 

“She had an ability to get so excited when players picked up on the little things,” recalled Hannah Insuik, who teaches science and coached softball with Betsy. “It was every time — and she’d been doing it for 30-plus years — so her ability to get so excited about the little successes was incredible.”

Betsy challenged herself, too.

“She was always tweaking and problem-solving, so she’d text me, ‘What do you think about this or if we tweak this?’’ Hannah said. “She was always thinking, always trying to do the best by the kids.” 

Head of School Jody Reilly Soja, in a message to the LC community about Betsy’s passing, wrote: “No matter her role, Betsy was an educator through and through, always keeping her students at the center of her work; it is clear that those who called Betsy their advisor, teacher, or coach were so very fortunate. Her colleagues cherished Betsy as a dear friend and a gentle soul. In a community that places great value on kindness, Betsy was our standard-bearer. She was, of course, an exemplary faculty member, but she was an even better human being.” 

Betsy taught a range of science courses in her long teaching career, from introducing generations of freshmen and sophomores to Biology I to teaching upper-level courses including genetics and environmental science. 

She was forever a student of science, too. “She had a love of nature for sure, and the environment,” Allison said, recalling kayak trips with Betsy in Florida and Maine. “She just expressed such great curiosity and joy in the intricacies of living things, right down to the cellular level. Whether it be coral or shells or whatever little animal we found, she found it to be fascinating, and I just loved her curiosity and joy, but at the same time she felt very inspired by the beauty of the larger picture.” 

Betsy received the Distinguished Teaching Award in Honor of Dom Failla in 2018 and a Service to the School honor in 2014. 

“Betsy set the example that a lesson should never be exactly the same as it was the year before,” Naomi said. “Even after 38 years of teaching, she arrived early to Clark nearly every morning and stayed late nearly every night to think about and change the way that she ran her classes. She never hesitated to consider new activities, implement strategies in accordance with the latest research on teaching, incorporate the technology of the moment, or rethink her approach to explaining a concept — all in the service of making the experience better for her students. ”

A Loomis Instagram post sharing the news of Betsy’s death was filled with comments, yet another acknowledgement of what she meant to so many. 

Her influence is alive in every student she taught and mentored. ... She was the embodiment of what every teacher should be. ... I couldn’t dream of a better advisor, coach, or teacher. ... She was one of the best coaches I ever had on the softball field. She taught us how to be unapologetically tough and fostered grit and hard work. ... Her caring nature encouraged us all to be our best selves.

And there was a message to the school from Molly Perdek, Betsy’s niece. “From the bottom of my heart, it means so much to my family [to have] all of your support,” Ms. Perdak wrote. “I am 25 now, and I remember visiting my aunt and her showing me around the school as a little girl, and the joy and sense of pride it gave her! She loved you all so dearly and it means the world seeing all of the lives she has touched.”

An obituary for Betsy, when available, will be published in a future issue of Loomis Chaffee Magazine.